Fuck Seattle and fuck the fucking piss poor cell service. And while you’re at it, fuck those fucking Verizon wireless commercials and their America’s largest coverage maps. I don’t give a shit if you have coverage in Paducah, Kentucky. How about covering a major metropolitan city with 600,000+ people? Because you know what, Seattle? You know what I’m fucking grateful for in Seattle? Fucking 3G. Blazing fast fucking 3G. Because you know what I usually have? 1x. 1 fucking x. In other words, 2G. Yeah, 1990s, just got rid of my pager, come check out my new Nokia cellular phone guys, 2G.
And when you do have LTE? Why the fuck is it in an underground parking garage beneath the fucking Benihana? Because that’s clearly the best use of your time, money and cell tower, and getting reception in any wide-as-fuck, open air, no-where-near-a-fucking-hill, tall building, in a car or under a tree area is clearly out of the fucking question. So hey Seattle, if you want to be the next tech booming Silicon fucking Valley, get your head out of your flannel covered ass and get yourself a god damn reliable cell phone network.
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